What To Say?

Well.... there's a lot I could say right now.... about end-of-pregnancy discomfort, excitement about holding Isaac in my arms (SOON!) instead of in my belly, anticipation of labor and birth and what that will be like, excitement about my parents coming out from NC to meet our little boy when he arrives....

There's also a lot I could say about what God's been doing in my heart in regards to our time with Tali being super limited now (probably one more week at best...). He has continually proven Himself faithful to meet all of our needs, AND hers.

I'll try to limit this post to just a couple of really cool God stories: About a month ago when we started overnights visits (Tali spending nights with her birth mom), I prayed something like this: "Lord, please, if this HAS to happen, could you please make Tali okay with it? Could you please make going with her birth mom when we drop her off OKAY for her somehow?" Up until that point she had fussed and/or cried for us every time we'd ever dropped her off with her birth mom. It was so, so hard and we felt like we were betraying her every time. Awful feeling. BUT...starting THAT DAY, she was instantly, it seemed, okay with going to see her birth mom. Since then, she has not cried or fussed when we've dropped her off. Not only that, but she has begun to act REALLY excited to see her birth mom and is fine with saying bye to us, giving us kisses, and walking with her mom back into her apartment building. WOW. This is a total God-thing and a massively huge blessing to us. It has made the whole process so much easier for us.

The other cool thing is this: We had been praying that Tali's birth mom would allow us to continue to be a part of Tali's life after we moved her. We weren't sure how she felt about this but we feel strongly that we should not just "drop" completely out of Tali's life, and that it's best for her to maintain some form of connection with us if at all possible (even though it's painful for us as we will no longer be "mommy" and "daddy" to her). So this past week when we dropped Tali off for a visit, I asked her birth mom, "What are your thoughts on us continuing to be a part of Tali's life in some way?" She acted relieved that I'd asked, said she did not want Tali to lose us, offered to have Tali call us "auntie and uncle" or something along those lines. WOW!! Such a blessing! We are super relieved and have offered, after the first few weeks, to begin keeping Tali on the 1 or 2 nights per week that her birth mom works. We'll see how all of that plays out. For now it's just such a relief to know we won't lose her completely, and that we'll have (hopefully) enough contact with her that we'd maybe know if something wasn't going well and we needed to advocate for her to be removed from the home or whatever. Mostly, we just want to be a support to her and to her birth mom in this time. They both have quite an adjustment ahead of them.

Anyway.... We are so very thankful for these little breakthroughs...God is good and faithful and SO committed to our sweet girl. He is worthy of our trust with her, so we have to keep giving it to Him over and over and over again. These little gifts from Him have made the thought of this transition so much less traumatic for me, personally. Now my emotions around it are mostly just sadness and grief...as opposed to feeling traumatized at the thought of losing Tali. And the grief feels so much more manageable than it did before. For this, I am more thankful than I can put into words.

And now, as I sit here with a squirmy baby boy in my belly who is getting ready to come out any day, I thank Jesus for holding me up, holding our family up, during this season, for sustaining our hearts, for giving us Isaac (laughter :)) in the midst of all of it. He is so incredible; His timing just blows my mind. And I thank Him for keeping His goodness before our eyes even in moments when it has felt SO easy to doubt it. He is good, He is good, He is good. ALL THE TIME. And we are so blessed and thankful.

Here are a few prayer requests. We know so many of you are praying regularly for us and for Tali and we are SO THANKFUL!!

~Continue to pray protection over Tali - physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. during this transition. Pray that Jesus will sustain her and will be her place of peace and security.

~Pray for Stan's and my hearts, that we will cling to Jesus and to each other during this season.

~Pray that God will hold us up, hold us together for Isaac, and for our labor and delivery. We need to supernaturally experience His strength in our weakness.

~Pray that God will lead us through grieving the loss of Tali when and how He knows that we need to. Ask Him for courage for us in the midst of this process.

~AND, though we are accepting (and have peace about, mostly) the direction that things are headed as far as Tali's situation goes....continue to pray with us that anything that is in the dark that needs to be exposed will be brought into the light QUICKLY, concerning Tali's birth mom's situation, etc. It is still not too late for Him to rescue her out of that situation IF she needs to be rescued. We trust Him, His ways, and His timing.

Thank you, our dear friends and family. I really don't know what we would do without you all walking with us and holding us before the Father. We are so blessed by all of your support and prayers. Please don't stop. We love you all.